


Partners...

by SuperSecretAgentQrow



Category: RWBY
Genre: F/M, Humor, partners
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 18:11:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12238044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperSecretAgentQrow/pseuds/SuperSecretAgentQrow
Summary: Our favorite brilliant-haired Haven exchange students have had it up to here with their devil-may-care teammates, and Neptune and Emerald find someone who understands their struggle.





	Partners...

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic. Just a quick headcannon.

It was a quiet Saturday morning at Beacon Academy, with the soothing music of Ember Celica rounds drifting from the gym. Most students took the opportunity to sleep off either a night of partying or a week of testing, and the cafeteria was enjoying a small cadre of early risers enjoying a peaceful morning coffee.  
  
That was until the venerate mahogany doors leading from the dorms were nearly kicked off their hinges by a seething, colorfully-haired Mistrali exchange student. Or two.  
  
Emerald Sustrai was livid. Being wingwoman for the largest conspiracy on Remnant was one thing, but living with that silver-haired miscreant was another hell altogether. Too many spilled cans of soda, too many walk-ins when she was showering, too many dirty clothes sitting in a corner for weeks at a time! Just that morning she had been woken up by a stray pair of boxers straight in the face. Regrettably, she stewed, her roommate seemed to lack the intellect necessary to fool himself with her illusions, or she would have been able to sneak up for a nasty kick between his mechanical legs.  
  
Emerald glanced to her right and found Neptune Vasilias, suave ladykiller and winner of the _Most Likely to Star in a Chibi Spinoff _Award, wearing the same mask of wrath and disgust she had woken up with. She vaguely remembered reading a report on the actual exchange students, including Vasilias and his own devil-may-care companion, and somehow gathered enough brainpower to surmise that they were both ticked off by the same unpalatable problem.__  
  
“Partners?” she whispered through gritted teeth.  
  
“Partners,” Neptune agreed bitterly.

* * *

____

____

The rest of the cafeteria’s population gave the two Mistrali students a wide berth as they spent much of the morning reveling in the chance to berate their partners with someone who knew their pain. Currently Emerald was shaking in her seat, unable to contain the tirade she had previously reserved for her own imaginary psychotherapist.  
  
“I mean seriously?” Emerald cried with an equally-large hand waving. “How hard is it to do laundry once a week? He has a dozen shirts that are _exactly _the same! Literally!”__  
  
Neptune emptied a third cup of coffee. “You said it, man. Scarlet and I have slipped on more banana peels than I thought anyone could eat. Does he not realize he shares this space with other dudes?”  
  
“Maybe he's doing it on purpose,” Emerald fumed. “I mean, it’s not like Cinder can’t see what’s going on. She just must have some inability to smell thanks to her semblance, otherwise she’d have cooked him and his goddamn pile of sweaty shirts alive the first week we got here.”  
  
“I know!” Neptune wailed, throwing his palms against his face. “Scarlet and Sage were probably born on a poop deck, cause any rational guy would’ve said something about the compost happening right on our floor!”  
  
The kusarigama-wielder nearly turned her green omelette into a modern art painting oozing on the wall as she reached a crescendo. “I mean, who in their right mind would pick a bathroom lock at eleven at night instead of knocking? Three times! Three damn times!”  
  
Neptune was coping with his anger by setting a new cup stacking world record. “Yeah! And whenever I confront him about the mess he just goes on some random tangent about Ninjas of Love. Who even reads that garbage?”  
  
At the other end of the cafeteria someone started coughing uncontrollably.  
  
“I’m not even asking for a sterile bedroom!” Emerald ranted as she tore apart another hapless green egg. “I just want somewhere I can sleep without fear of suffocating in man musk!”  
  
Neptune stabbed his trident into a plate of pancakes. “I'm so freakin' sick of this! How am I supposed to work-”  
  
“With someone-”  
  
“Who frankly-”  
  
“Just doesn’t-”  
  
“Give a damn!” they roared in unison. ****

* * *

____

****  
Winter Schnee glanced into the Beacon dining hall, eyeing the whirlwind of expletives and unfortunate breakfast items from the safety of the garden patio. She sipped from an artisan teacup as a third omelette met a grisly fate against the stained-glass window.  
  
“Amateurs,” she muttered as she set down the calming beverage and shifted her gaze to the morning sun. “Can’t they see how they sully the name of Haven Academy with their lack of dignity? I would frankly disown Weiss myself if I saw her in the same barbaric state of mind. A hunter must display control in all situations, on and off the battlefield. Otherwise, how are we any different from the very creatures we fight?”  
  
There was a flapping of wings followed by a quiet _poof _behind her, and to her dismay Winter spun to find the hungover waste of breath she couldn’t seem to get rid of perched upon the railing. He grinned at her and tried to stand, only to wobble dangerously and give up, sliding onto the floor behind her.__  
  
“Well, if it isn’t the Ice Queen!” he drawled, obviously somehow more drink than man before noon. “What’s Daddy Schnee’s least favorite Specialist doing alone out here? I betcha yer sister’s high heels you were simply waiting for a gentleman’s company, and I’m more than happy to oblige ya. After all, you seem ta have a unique interest in my _tongue _.”__  
  
The precious Atlesian teacup snapped in two clean pieces and Winter Schnee set the poor victim of the drunkard’s obscene suggestions down with the care of a mother lowering an infant to sleep. Slowly, she rose and gave him a brilliant smile, showing all of her immaculate teeth, and Qrow immediately froze in place, uncapped flask in hand. Winter smiling was definitely bad news for him.  
  
“My dear Qrow,” she gushed, somehow smiling even wider, “you were just in time to join me for lunch. I happen to know a wonderful Atlesian recipe for peppered rotisserie crow, with a side of whiskey-seared cat’s tongue.”  
  
No, Winter wouldn’t stoop down to the level of beasts or novices and give in to primal rage. That was not behavior fit for a Schnee, nor a Huntress.  
There would simply be no one who could find any trace of the roguish, alcoholic, _idiotic _Qrow Branwen. For shame, too; she had a thing for avian men with _really _big scythes.__ _ _  
____

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! I've got a few more ideas swimming around, and if I find the time or willpower you'll see from me again soon~


End file.
